


Help

by Arty_101



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 15:24:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17185526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arty_101/pseuds/Arty_101
Summary: It's been six years since Dipper and Mabel have visited Gravity Falls and a lot has changed since then.Dipper has become reserved and depressed. he feels lonely and just wants to be left alone.Mabel has tried to help her brother before but he just pushed her away. Now she is afraid to try and has since given up.Now with the twins return and the resurfacing of Bill Cipher what will happen?What will happen when Dipper runs into an old enemy and starts to develop new feelings.





	1. Chapter 1- Sleepy Return

Chapter 1  
Dipper's Pov.

*Dipper's Dream*

*I'm ripped from my body and forced to watch him enter. He laughs at me and my weakness and races downstairs to grab the journal. I already know I've lost but I still chase after him in the hopes that i might still catch him. I enter the living room just as he pulls the journal out of its hiding place. His head is bowed and his hair, my hair, is hanging in his face as he gazes down at the journal in his hands. After what feels like eternity he starts to slowly lift his head to look me in the eyes. I gasp. His pupils are silted, like when he's in his triangle form, and he has an evil grin plastered on his face.*

I jolt awake. I know that it was just a dream but I'm still a bit shaken. We defeated him 6 years ago but he still haunts my dreams and its gotten worse over these past few weeks. Mabel and I haven't been back since that day, we've never been brave enough to come back until recently. I look over at Mable's sleeping form and jump back in fright. For a split second I thought I saw his shadow over her but I'm just hallucinating. I turn away and slip into a light nightmare filled sleep.


	2. Chapter 2- Early Morning Meetings

**Chapter 2**

**Dipper's Pov.**

I wake up the next morning feeling drained. I roll out of bed and trudge downstairs. My movements are slow and sluggish. I spot Mabel in the kitchen drinking some Mabel juice. She looks up at me through her eyelashes and I know she's worried and wants me to give her some sign that I'm fine some small sign that she doesn't need to worry but I'm too tired to even smile, so instead I grab my backpack and shout goodbye as I head out the front door. I hear her shout bye back and I can hear that her voice is edged with worry and fear. I roll my eyes at her tone and head toward the forest.

Ford said that there was something odd happening in the forest. He didn't give me any details, just the task of finding out what it is or what's causing it. Oh the fun! When I became his apprentice I thought that it would be like when we were younger before we left but it's like he's changed or maybe I changed. I feel a small thrill of excitement at the thought of the mystery at hand and then just as quickly as I felt it, it's gone. I vaguely remember when I was thirteen and obsessed even thrilled at the thought of uncovering all the mysteries of the town but after I saw how much trouble it got me into and how much danger it put Mabel in, I guess I just lost my drive, my spirit and my everything. I guess you could say I lost my soul.

 

* * *

As I'm heading back to the shack after yet another grueling day of finding nothing I accidentally slip, and slide face down a bank into a clearing filled with strange looking lilac flowers. I sit up slowly and scan my surroundings and something catches my attention. To my left is a boy with blond hair sitting in a yellow sweater with a pyramid pattern near the bottom. He's sitting with his back faced to me and he looks relaxed.

I'm about to say something but before I can say anything, he suddenly whips around as if he sensed me here. His eyes go wide with shock and he bolts up then poof he's gone. I stay still for a moment trying to process everything and as I'm about to get up he reappears standing over me.

Now that he's up close I notice that he has green eyes but not a normal green no, his eyes are both bright and dark at the same time, they seem to hold pain and healing, love and hate. They are memorizing yet horrifying at the same time. They also have tiny flecks of gold in them and they look like they hold a thousand secrets. He has a bit of a tan, enough of one to be noticed but not quite golden brown yet. He's ditched his yellow sweater for a yellow trench-like coat with a pyramid-like brick pattern near the bottom and a crisp white shirt and black slacks all topped off with black formal shoes and a thin top hat. He smiles down at me and it sends shivers down my spine. The smile looks so familiar almost like I've seen it somewhere before on someone else. I know he can see the confusion written on my face which just makes him smile even wider.

"It's nice to see you again PineTree."

My eyes go wide with shock and fear. No it can't be him. We defeated him, he's gone. But the proof is right in front of me, it's in the words he just said, in the nickname he used. No one ever calls me that not since we got rid of him. Mabel made the mistake once about four years ago and that's when it all started and that is why she felt responsible, felt the need to help because the day she called me PineTree was the trigger for the nightmares. I stare in shock. I just can't form words.

Bill Cipher is back!

**Bill's Pov.**

I hadn't been expecting to see PineTree today I hadn't even been planning to revel myself to him and the fact that I'm back but then he just kind of showed up right at the moment I happened to be thinking about him. And as happy as I am to see him I am just as equally furious. Furious that he had gotten that glimpse of me in that venerable state. I didn't and don't want him to see that venerable and fragile part of me. 

I stare down at him. His eyes are a greeny hazel and filled with shock and fear but behind all that I can see pain, a lot of pain. He's gotten taller and he ditched his short sleeve shirts for long ones and he has a light tan although it looks like he hasn't spent much time in the sun or at least more than necessary. I look at his arms and see muscles taking form. I let my eyes wonder down his arms to his sleeves that have been pushed up leaving his wrists bare. My jaw almost drops at the thin white scars that are there. I'm about to look back at his face and scold him when something else catches my eye.

There is the bottom of a tattoo pecking out from underneath his sleeve. He got a tattoo? My curiosity gets the better of me.

"So PineTree what tattoo did you get?"

He recoils at the question as if I hit him in the face.

"It's n-n-nothing and besides it's n-n-none of your business."

I quirk my eyebrow at this. What could he possibly be hiding?

I drop down into a crouch over him and he flinches at the sudden movement. Is he really that afraid of me? The thought hits me like a physical blow but I push it aside and reach out toward his left arm. He tries to jerk his arm away but I've already pinned him in place with my magic.

I first gently run my fingers over his wrist. I can feel the pain behind each one of his scars and  it hits me that I was the root of the pain and that I wasn't there to take away his nightmares or to at least ease his pain a little bit. I force myself to reach further up and pull back his sleeve.

My jaw drops at the sight. It's the cipher wheel and underneath it is cipher code, three words inked onto his flesh, 'Dead Man Walking'.

"It's me?"

He turns his head away in shame. That explains the sleeves. Not only is he hiding the scars that everyone knows are there but he's also hiding this.

"PineTree why did you get this?"

"I wanted something to remind me what I survived and that I survived so I got the cipher wheel and then I got the code to remind myself that on the inside I'm dead and no one understands that."

I stare at him shock clearly written on my face. Before he can say anything else or notice the underlying hurt I let myself disappear to my house near the edge of the clearing. It's just slightly to the right of the clearing and constantly shielded with my magic so that no one sees it.

Is the kid really that afraid of me that he got a tattoo of me and my code just to remind him of his pain and suffering? I know now that what I did was wrong but I didn't think I had left such a lasting scar on him.

I turn toward the window and see that he's still lying there just staring up at the sky. In this moment he looks like an empty shell of the Dipper I remember. He used to have this happy energy that surrounded him. It was one of the reasons that I started watching him. From day one when he arrived I could sense his curiously that hid his pain. I stated to watch him and the more I watched him the more I wanted to protect him and help him but then he started to get really close to finding Ford and I panicked. Ford knew the truth about me and it would have meant that the hate would have fully set in. My plan was simple take over the world but keep Dipper close and safe. Show him my world and how much he would have fit in but things never go according to plan do they.

He finally gets up and pulls his sleeves back down. He sets off again. He looks shaken but that's not my problem not anymore. I turn away from the window and feel my heart tug but I won't listen not this time but even as I walk towards the lounge I know this resolve won't last for long.


	3. Chapter

**Chapter 3**

**Dipper's Pov.**

I enter the mystery shack and dump my backpack by the front door. I walk towards the stairs just wanting some peace and quiet but before I can even reach the first step Mabel comes charging at me and envelopes me in a hug. I don't hug her back I never do. She releases me and gently takes my hand and leads me towards the living room. Stan and Ford are on the couch and Wendy's on the floor. Mabel flops down next to her and I sit down on the other side of her. I give her a weak smile and she tilts her head sympathetically and returns it. They're watching some chick flick which means it's the perfect time to think and unfortunately all my thoughts turn towards Bill. Why did he look so hurt? He's the one who asked and I answered. I don't care that he saw the tattoo and I don't care that he knows the meaning behind it no I care that he saw the scars. He saw them and he touched them. He touched them so gently and with so much care and understanding in his eyes. It's like he could feel the pain, suffering and sorrow behind each and every one.

I cringe ever so slightly at the memory and earn a glance from does she care all of a sudden? She didn't seem to care when I got back and saw the scars. She didn't care when I switched out my short sleeves for long sleeves, she didn't even question it. No she just went on pretending like things were when we last saw each other. Parties, friends and sidelong glances but with our roles reversed. This time she was pining after me but I wasn't interested and I always did my best to avoid her parties but usually Mabel would drag me to them like she was babysitting me. Furious and enraged I stand up and storm out the room. Mabel looks after me but she doesn't try to stop me. She knows better than to try.

I slam the door to our shared room and flop down on my bed. My eyes are heavy and before I know it I've slipped into a deep peaceful sleep. I know the nightmares will start soon but I'm just too tired to care.

**Bill's Pov.**

  
I levitate just above him. He has no idea I'm here and shooting star is downstairs. I arrived just after he fell asleep and sensed a bad nightmare brewing and I snipped it in the bud and gave him the one and only thing I could a peaceful sleep. I originally came here to make sure he was OK after our encounter.

I'm about to pull back his sleeve and make sure for the second time that he's okay when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I look down at his peaceful dreaming face one more time and smile before I leave. As I leave it hits me once again that I caused this and then I wasn't around to try and help. I never meant to hurt him and seeing him in pain like that makes my heart clench.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long for me to update. This story was put on hold when i started writing a new story on wattpad.

**Chapter 4**

  
**Dipper's Pov**.

  
I wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and rested for once. For the first time in a while I had actually slept through the night. I head downstairs with a smile on my face. I enter the kitchen and pour myself some juice. Mabel enters a second later and stops dead in her tracks. She slowly inches forward and smiles slightly. There's a small glimmer of hope in her eyes and it makes me smile.

"Morning Mabel. I just thought I would have some juice before I leave."

Her smile broadens and she engulfs me in a hug. I finish my juice and say goodbye before heading out and grab my backpack. I head into the forest with a slight bounce in my step. I decide to head in the same direction as yesterday. I half really want to find him but I half dread seeing him again and I want answers but I'm scared of what he might say. My heart is pulling me forward but my brain is telling me to run in the opposite direction. At this point I'm just a hurricane of emotions.

I finally reach the clearing of lilac flowers and I walk into the center of the field. I look around but I don't see him anywhere. I sigh and turn to leave. I jump back in surprise when all of a sudden he appears in front of me.

"Why are you here PineTree?"

"I just want to ask you a few questions."

He tilts his head to the side and a thoughtful expression crosses his face. It gives way as his eyes light up with an idea.

"I will answer your questions if you make a deal with me."

He sticks his hand out and blue flames spring to life. The action causes me filch away from him. The last time I shook that hand I had been ripped out of my body and forced to fight a battle that had ended with me gaining depression I mean after all in the few seconds that my body had been free from Bill I had technically been dead. I slowly bring my eyes up to his and for a brief second hurt flashes through his eyes but it disappears as quickly as it appeared.

"What exactly do you want?"

"All I want is for you to visit once a week. No strings attached. No underlying plot or scheme just a simple visit."

I look at his hand again. It's simple enough just visit him once a week. There's no harm in that and he seems genuine when he says that he doesn't have some underlying plan. I wrap my hand around his and the flames expand until they engulf both of our hands. I thought it would hurt that the pain would be hot and intense that it might be enough to burn away any doubts but instead it's soft and gentle and feels like a comforting blanket that just soothes away the doubts that had been swimming to the surface. The flames stop and all the warmth that had felt like true happiness slowly starts to seep away. He releases my hand and the last of the lingering warmth dissipates.

"So what are your questions?"

"How did you come back and why did you come back?"

He hesitates before he answers.

"I'm not too sure. As I was dying I remembered this ancient spell that was said to allow you to come back with time but it never specified how long or if it even worked. I knew it was a long shot but I tried anyway and it may have taken 3 years but it worked well half worked but I don't what it was."

"Ok and why are did u comeback here?"

"I came back here because Gravity Falls is like a giant snare that I can't get out of. I've tried multiple times but I still can't leave.

"Ok that makes sense after all there is a barrier around it. Maybe one day I will help you get out and see the world."

He looks at me with hope in his eyes and smiles which causes me to smile back.

"Do I have to ask all my questions now or can I ask you questions during my weekly visits?

He contemplates it for a second and all the while his face retains the softness of hope and freedom.

"You can ask whenever and whatever you want."

"Ok. When do I have to come back? Is there a specific day?"

"Anytime and any day. Its not like I'm going anywhere."

I slowly nod and open my mouth to ask him the question that I've been dying to ask him. To finally know what exactly the source of the sudden increase in odd happenings is but he disappears as suddenly as he appeared. It's almost like he read my thoughts.

**Bill's Pov.**

I left before he could ask his question. I'm not quite ready to admit that I was the one that has been causing all the extra odd things that are happening and I'm not ready to admit that the reason I was doing it was to hopefully eventually drive him towards me but I wasn't expecting him to find me so soon.

I look out the window of my small shack to see that he is still standing there. He looks around slightly confused and I wait for him to leave but instead he lies down and pulls his cap down to cover his face. He seems to have every intention of staying put. I turn around and feel my heart lightly tug but this time I'm intent on ignoring it. It's my stupid hearts fault that I made that deal. I slowly start to walk to the kitchen and with every step the tugging gets harder and more and more sore. I push it aside but then it suddenly lurched and my wrist started to ach. It was almost like it was trying to tell me something. I gasped and suddenly turned around and raced to the window. There he is sitting in the field with blood coming from his wrist staring at the woods in the direction of the shack. The sight makes my heart stop all together.

I bolt out the front door completely forgetting that I can teleport. I finally reach him and grab his wrist. All I want to is slap his stupid face but I opt for shouting at him.  
"What the hell were you thinking Dipper!?"

"Hey Bill. You were right pain is hilarious."

He chuckles slightly and I seethe at him. I can't believe him but I still have to help him. If I don't he might bleed out and I care too much about him to let that happen. I press my index and middle fingers to his cut and it slowly starts to heal. It's deeper than the others and it makes me wonder why he did it. Once it's finished healing I press my fingers to his forehead and he falls asleep.

I just don't get what happened. One second he was fine the next he wasn't. I pick him up bridal style and grab his back pack and head toward the mystery shack.

When I finally reach the edge of the woods I teleport into his room and gently lay him down on his bed. I'm about to leave when an idea sparks into my head. I look back at his sleeping form and walk towards him. I check his pockets and come up empty handed. I check his back pack and smile. How he managed to put it back I have no idea.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Dipper's Pov.**

I bolt up in my bed, wait my bed? How did I get here? The last thing I remember was lying down in the field. My intention was to out wait him and force him back out. So I pulled my cap down and prepared when all of a sudden my heart started to tug and pull. At first I liked the pain it was a nice distraction but then it became too much. It was starting to hurt so I did the only thing I know how to, fight pain with pain. Slowly the new pain replaced the old pain and I put it away but then I realized my fatal mistake, I cut to damn deep. I looked in the direction of the mystery shack wishing I could get up and just walk there and bandage it up but I know I wouldn't reach it in time it's too far and I'm already too weak from my eating habits. Then the next thing I know Bill is in front of me. He shouted at me and asked me what I had been thinking and all I responded with was pain is hilarious. I had used his own line against him and I could visibly see him redden in anger but he still helped me. He pressed his fingers to the cut and slowly his magic washed over me and the pain slowly ebbed away. Then it was gone all the pain even my heart was still and quite. I wanted to thank him but before I could even open my mouth he pressed his fingers to my forehead and then everything just went black. He must have carried me back here but what I don't get is why. Why did he make that deal?

I look out the window and see that it is starting to get dark. I sigh and get up and head downstairs. Mabel is sitting in the lounge with Wendy. There're watching another movie. Is this all they do. Sit around and watch movies thinking I don't see it, what their really doing. They are watching me, babysitting me, trying and failing to make sure I don't do anything.

Mabel sees me and gestures for me to come join them. Wendy smiles, it's strained, forced and weak. I retreat as quickly as I appeared. Bill had helped me and it seemed like he had thrown a blanket of safety over me. It had made me want to actually give them a chance. I had thought maybe I had been over exaggerating but then I saw it. That stupid smile that dashed all my hopes and tore through my safety blanket leaving me feeling on edge and exposed.

I burst into my room and ran straight to my backpack. I started rifling through it but it isn't here. Where is it? Where is the stupid pocket knife that my dad gave to me for my birthday 5 years ago? That knife is my escape the one thing that got me out of my pain and there is no way that I just lost it.

Where could I have left it? I start pacing back and forth. I'm starting to become frantic and the last remaining edges of my safety blanket just fall away. It couldn't have been Mabel or Wendy, Wendy doesn't care enough to even try and Mabel is too scared to try because she's afraid that if she pushes to hard I will lash out and she will lose me. So that leaves one person or rather dream daemon. Bill took it. I know he did because he has no boundaries.

I want to storm down to the clearing and demand that he give it back and demand answers from him but the more I think about it the more energy I start losing and slowly my anger starts to edge away. So instead I crawl into bed and slip into a light sleep. I know deep down it starts off dreamless but quickly develops into nightmares.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

  
**Bill's Pov.**

I sat around at home waiting for night to come. I wanted to go check on him and make sure that he's ok but I didn't want to push too hard or get caught and then finally night arrived and so I raced over here as fast as I possibly could and teleport into his room only to find him sitting cross legged on his bed waiting, waiting like he knew I would come or at least hoping I would. I was going leave but the look on his face told me to stay no it begged me to stay so I flopped down on the bed and noted that he looked utterly drained.

"You took it."

I quirk an eyebrow at him. He would only know I took it if he had gone looking for it even after the incident in the field he still went looking for the easy way out, the dangerous way out.

"You took it didn't you Bill! That was a gift from my dad! Why did you take it?"

"I took it because next time something goes wrong I might not be around to help!"

"You say that as if you care about me. You don't care. You're just like everyone else. You act like you care but you don't, no your over me, you think I'm just going through a phase well this 'Phase' is all your fault!"

I look at him stunned and I know he can see the hurt written across my face.

"I do care, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." The word are barely more than a whisper and before he can say anything I'm gone.

**Dipper's Pov.**

I sit here stunned. Moving seems impossible. He cares? He took it because he cares, he had the guts to try. Wendy just pretends it isn't happening and Mabel is too scared to try because she thinks I'll leave or lash out. He cares and I just shouted at him. Guilt coils in my stomach. I have to make it right. I glance at Mabel's sleeping form before getting up. I slip out the front door and run in the direction I remember the clearing being.

As I run I shout his name just in case he is nearby. By the time I reach the clearing I'm breathless and panting out his name. I feel like there is someone behind me so spin around but no one's there. Where is he?

"I'm so sorry Bill. I just assumed you were like everyone else and I shouldn't have. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

By the end of my apology I was on my knees crying with my eyes closed. Crying over the fact that I was wrong. Crying because I hurt him. His face in that moment is burned into my mind, it was full of pain. Pain that I had caused. Suddenly I felt gentle fingers pushing my chin up. My eyes open to see Bill barefoot and wearing black shorts and a soft looking yellow sweater with a pyramid like pattern at the bottom. His hair is wild and untamed and his eyes, his wonderful eyes are a dull green, red rimmed and yet they still hold worry. Worry for me, for why I'm crying.

"I'm so sorry Bill."

He smiles weakly and wipes away my remaining tears with his thumb.

"It's okay don't worry about it."

I fling my arms around him and pull him into a tight hug. He instantly stiffens and I think I've over stepped my boundaries and am about to pull away when he lightly wraps his arms around me. I smile and bury my head in the crook of his neck and he rests his chin on my head. His sweater is as soft as his touch. It's almost as if he's afraid I'm an illusion that will disappear if he presses to hard. After a few more seconds I pull away and his arms snap back as if he did something wrong.

"Maybe you should head back home. It's not safe out here at night."

"I don't really feel like going back." He tilts his head slightly. Silently questioning. Silently asking if he can stay with me.

"Okay, follow me then."

He gets up and holds out his hand for me. I reach up and grasp his hand and let him pull me up. He leads me to the right side of the clearing. He's still holding my hand and I don't really mind.

As we near the edge, a house starts to appear. I gasp. It's a huge cozy looking log cabin. We enter and a fire starts up and a bed appears near it. Bill lets go of my hand and gestures towards the bed. I smile at him and go lie down. It's toasty and warm and I fall asleep instantly but not before noting that Bill is watching me from a nearby couch. I fall asleep feeling safe and secure instead of on edge and anxious.

**Bill's Pov.**

He came all this way to apologize. It's the middle of the night and he ran through the forest looking for me. Is he insane? And he doesn't want to go back. What happened that has caused this? I sigh and get up and start towards the kitchen when all of a sudden I her a moan. I turn around and see Pine Tree's face screwed up in pain. I rush back to his side and enter his mind.

_Dipper's dream_

_He's sitting in the middle of the room rocking back and forth. There's a pool of blood around him. He's slowly bleeding out nut he doesn't feel any pain n he feels numb and lonely. Mabel walks in with Wendy and they both don't seem to see him. It's like they don't see his pain. They walk straight past him and disappear. For the brief second that he saw them he hoped no prayed that they would look at him but when they left the pain suddenly flared and silent tears started to fall._

_End of dream_

I stopped the dream before it got worse, and his face relaxes for a second before he suddenly bolts upright. Eyes frantically searching for something, breathing sharp and panicked but then his eyes rest on me and suddenly his eyes focus and his breathing starts to slow down.

"They pretend the pain isn't there."

He looks at me in shock and then bows his head and nods.

"That's why you reacted like you did when i said i cared. Because they say they care but don't act like it."

He nods again and his eyes starts to full with tears. I sit down in front of him and gently lifts his head up. I gently wipe away his tears.

"I care Pine Tree and I am not going to pretend or leave but I am going to try and help."

We are so close and I can see him processing what I've said. And then another thought crosses his face along with an emotion but leaves before I can get a proper read on him. Then a question forms in his eyes and I know what's going to come out his mouth before he even asks.

"Why do you care?"  
I can't tell him, not yet. It'll just freak him out. Scare him away. So for now I will keep my feelings to myself. Because who could ever love a demon.

"For now just know I care and don't worry about the why okay."

He nods and i relax slightly knowing that for now I'm safe but eventually i will have to tell him. I just need more time.

"Now get some rest my Pinetree."

He nods and starts to lie down, and I get up to leave but he grabs my hand setting off a tingling that travels up my arm and down my spine.

"Stay. Please."

I nod and lie down next to him. He snuggles up close to me which causes the tingling to intensify. After a minute he suddenly speaks.

"Bill."

"Yeah?"

"Do you sleep?"

"No, and one day I will tell you why." He slowly nods and then falls asleep and starts to softly snore which causes me to smile slightly. He is truly adorable when he is asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Dipper's Pov.**

 

I slowly start to wake. There is sunlight streaming in soft gold waves through the window and the bed underneath me is comfortable and warm. I roll over and stretch out expecting to find Bill next to me, curled up fast asleep and peaceful, but when my hand meets nothing and I can't find him I bolt up and take in my surroundings. I'm back at the mystery shack.

It all feels like a dream, like I dreamt falling asleep next to Bill, but I can still feel the blanket of safety that he had thrown over me and that's how I know it's real that is how i know i fell asleep next to Bill Cipher last night and that he made me feel safe. I want to run back to him and throw my arms around his neck and spend all my time with him but as I look across the room to Mabel's bed I sigh. Maybe just maybe I should spend the day with her and Wendy, maybe I should give them a chance. Maybe I was imagining the looks that they gave me, the way that they acted. 

I sigh again and drag myself out of bed and down the stairs, not bothering to get changed. I walk into the kitchen and offer Mabel a smile. She smiles back and then Wendy walks in and playfully punches me on the shoulder smiling. It feels how it used to and my spirts lift for a moment, one glorious moment where everything feels normal, before I realise that they are smiling at me with absolute pity. My smile immediately falls and I turn around and run out the door intending to run straight for Bill and his warmth, Mabel calls for me but it falls on deaf ears, I don't need their pity Bill will at least treat me like someone that has feelings, someone who is real and wants comfort.

As I am walking towards the edge of the forest Ford calls me and I stop dead in my tracks so that he can catch up.

"There you are Dipper, I have been looking everywhere for you. I finally had a breakthrough in the case!"

I really don't feel like talking about this right now, not when I have already found the problem, Bill, and not when I am currently on my way to see said problem. I think about making up some excuse but can't think of one so I swallow a sigh waiting for him to continue.

"I think that somehow Bill Cipher has come back and it is your job to find where he is hiding, but don't engage and be careful."

He walks away completely oblivious to the war raging in my head, the war that he unknowingly started. He knows about Bill, how does he know, what is he going to do when he finds him? My body fills with fear. A desperate panic settles over me and I launch forward. Urging my legs to carry me as fast as possible. I have to warn him, I have to protect him. I cannot lose him.

I break through the trees and into the clearing. I see the house from last night and bolt towards it. As i get closer things seem to slow down. Bill is lying on his back in a patch of soft green grass. He has loose black shorts on and a pastel yellow vest. He is barefoot and completely relaxed. I feel a little bad for disturbing him but just before I reach him he sits up smirking. The full beauty of him hits me and I come to a stop, his wold blond hair that flops onto his face, his green eyes with gold flecks that hold a million secretes and his smile that lights up my world and sets my soul on fire.

I snap out of it and smile sitting down next to him. It feels so natural to be here with him even after everything.

“Just can’t get enough of me can you PineTree?”

I know that I need to warn him, tell him that Ford knows he is back but I can’t bring myself to. I don’t want lose him over this. I don’t want to ruin this moment. I just need one more moment to remember him by.

“You got me Bill, I just can’t get enough of your stupid smirking ass.”

His grin widens like he is happy that I am engaging with him, like he is happy I am here talking to him, joking with him, it’s like he is happy. And it causes me to smile more. But then suddenly his smile drops off of his face and it’s like he can sense the bad news I am carrying. The sudden change cause me to blurt it out-

“Ford somehow found out that you are back and he is looking for you and I swear Bill, I swear, I did not tell him!”

For a brief moment fear flashes through his eyes, it’s so quick I barely even notice it, and then his face relaxes and he shrugs. Shrugs! Like it is no big deal.

“It’s okay PineTree I believe you. Besides he won’t be able to find me. I have learnt how to mask my magic and I can choose who can see this house and right now you are the only one that can, I trust you PineTree.”

“You trust me?”

“Yes I do.”

I smile feeling a warmth spread through me. I lie down in the grass and after a moment he lies down next to me. Our arms are slightly touching and it sends sparks up and down my arms. I want to move closer but I don’t want to scare him or anything.

“PineTree do you trust me?”

Six years ago I would have said no but a lot has changed since then. I’ve hit rock bottom depression and I thought that I would stay there forever that it would never get better but then Bill popped into my life and suddenly everything got better. He has made me feel safe and cared for, in such a short amount of time he has done more than my entire family. So yes I trust him. Ford would call me an idiot, a puppet, but I don’t care because I trust him with my whole heart and I want him to know that.

I turn onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow, he follows suit and when his eyes reach mine there is no warmth. It’s like he is preparing himself for rejection, for me to laugh in his face and tell him he is insane. How many times has he been hurt him to make him like this?

“I trust you with my whole heart Bill.”

He blinks in surprise and then as if in slow motion a grin creeps across his face and I find myself smiling back. Just a month ago that very same grin haunted my dreams and now it makes me feel warm and happy. Everything is so peaceful and I am about to roll onto my back but Bill seems to have other plans. He stands up, casting a shadow over me, and holds out his hand towards me. I take it and he pulls me up.

“I have something to show you.”

He pulls me inside and to the lounge. He drops my hand and heads towards his room while I wait for him in the lounge. When he emerges again he is holding a box. He hands it to me and waits anxiously as I open it. Inside is a journal. I open it hesitantly, it’s written in Chiper Code. I quickly decode the cover, it simply says ‘Bill’s Records’. I look up at him and before I can even ask he explains.

“It’s a diary of sorts I kept. It’s from the year that you arrived here.”

“Why?”

“I know you have always wanted to know why I did what I did and this may not help but I want you to see things from my point of view, I want you to decode it and see my side of the story. There is no time limit and you don’t have to but when or if you feel ready read it.”

I nod and gently place the book back in the box. He looks a little restless and nervous, nervous that he might have pushed a boundary, so I gently place the small box down and step forward and hug him to tell him that it’s okay, that we are okay.

“I am sorry Dipper. I never meant to hurt you.”

I hold him a little tighter, not trusting my voice to tell him that it’s okay, that I believe him that I now know that it’s true that he didn’t mean to hurt me it just happened. I got in the way, I tested him, I pushed him, I caused my own pain and Bill just fixed it.

He hugs me back and we stay like that for a while, me clutching his shirt and my face buried in the crook of his neck trying not to cry, and him rubbing soothing circles onto my back.

Eventually I pull away and he smiles before dragging me down onto the couch to watch VT.

**Bill’s Pov.**

When Dipper showed up I hadn’t really been expecting him to joke along with me and when he told me about Ford he had seemed so panicked but I told him I trust him. And then I had asked him if he trusted me, I was so stupid. I was ready for rejection but he said he trusts me too, I wasn’t expecting that I thought he would laugh in my face and tell me that he will never trust me, I hurt him and yet he still trusts me! I scared him and he still trusts me! And I am so stupid, I wanted to test just how much he trusts me so I gave him that stupid journal and told him to read it. And he hugged me. He hugged me, clung to me, and held me tight.

As I gaze at him I now see the old Dipper coming back. Colour has returned to his skin and his eyes are bright again. He looks handsome.

His hair flops down onto his forehead, covering up his unique birthmark. His eyes seem to sparkle and he has grown into his looks. He has a lean and strong build. But most importantly he is smiling. His smile reaches his eyes and it’s a smile that sparks a fire within me and makes me smile in return.

His visits seem to be getting more regular and he is starting to engage more. I really love spending time with him and the more time I spend with him the more I feel the urge to pull him close to me and kiss him. But I don’t want to freak him out, I don’t think he is ready and I don’t quite know what this feeling is.

**Dipper’s Pov.**

I spent my whole day with Bill watching movies and joking around. At lunch time when Bill got up to go make something to eat I snuck up behind him and jumped on his back, and demanded he give me a piggy-back which he did. He carried me into the kitchen and pretended I wasn’t even on his back. After a few minutes of us chatting while he cooked he finished, he made a big plate of chips, and grabbed the plate and headed back to the couch. He sat down with me still on his back. For an hour we sat with me cuddling into his back stealing a few chips off of the plate.

I only left when the sun started setting. I carried the diary carefully, not wanting to damage it.

When I got back to the shack I headed straight to my bedroom and started decoding the first entry.

 

**June 29, 2012**

**Today some new kids arrived in Gravity Falls, twins actually, one girl one boy.**

**The girl seems radiate happiness and positivity. She smiles a lot and seems to enjoy annoying her brother. She also seems to be very interested in boys for some unknown reason.**

**The boy radiates curiosity. He is a walking mystery, he intrigues me. He is a little interested in a red head he works with. He has light brown hair and dark green eyes. He is short and skinny, a little small, but untimely cute.**

**They are staying with six fingers’ brother. This could prove to be interesting.**

**I may not know the boy but he could prove to an ally. I feel this overwhelming need to protect him, to look after him, to keep him from danger. I may not know him but I will protect him no matter what. And I might have to work hard to do so because he found journal 3 today, this could be my greatest challenge.**

He thinks I am cute, well he thought that I was cute. I spend a few more hours decoding it and reading, not much catches my interest, his intrigue seems to grow, he keeps saying he doesn’t want to hurt me. Then I reach the entry about the first time we officially met. Throughout the whole entry he says that he tried not to hurt me and that he feels bad for doing what he did. 

After a while I hide the diary under my bed and I fall asleep with a new understanding. Bill’s plans were in place long before I knew him. He wanted me to join him so that he wouldn’t have to hurt me. I am the one who got in the way, it’s not really ether of our faults.

And I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had joined him.


End file.
